Well the wedding ‘do’s done now, bitches, and the hair has been cut!

Before:

Goodbye, dead ends!

Okay, so it’s not drastically shorter, but it’s definitely a load off my neck!

So, because I was one of the first of my friends to get married, let Aunt Jo impart some knowledge and wisdom on Things that Made Day Go Good.

RELAX. Seriously.  Once you’ve got all the big stuff taken care of at the beginning, like the hall, the photographers, the DJ, and whatnot, enjoy the ride.  It’s hard to mess up a wedding. Breathe.  Of course, it also helps that I was engaged to a project manager, so we budgeted and made our to-do lists and schedules pretty early on.

I took my heart rate and blood pressure a week before the wedding.  Healthy as a horse!

Embrace teamwork. Let people help.  Your friends.  The groom.  They are all people who have expertise and knowledge to share. Sure, the artsy stuff might not come out exactly as you had in mind, but that’s okay.  Because nobody will notice.  While the wedding day might be all about you, everything that goes into it is not. There were spats and discussions between us, our parents, my mom, E, E’s parents. E and I worked out well – he took care of the overall logistics and scheduling of the day and I handled the small details.  Teamwork, yes? That’s why we’re married.

The most nerve-wracking part of the day was the walk down the aisle.  You have to walk slow.  There are hundreds of cameras pointed in your direction.  You have to smile.  And walk slow. I tend to goof when I’m uncomfortable, so it was really hard to stay proper and not do something stupidly awkward.  And remember to smile without looking manic. And walk slow.

Build buffer time into everything in your schedule. Married couples kept telling us how quickly the day would go, and that we should take time to just sit back and take everything in.  We took that advice to heart.  Nothing was rushed.  Our ceremony was 20 minutes – we gave it an hour in the schedule.  Travel time was 15 minutes, we gave it 30 minutes.  It gave us a chance to collect ourselves and not worry about rushing over to the next location.

Don’t DIY in bulk. I know I saved a lot of money trying to make everything myself.  But I completely underestimated the time it would take.  Making ten or 15 centrepieces would’ve been a breeze.  Making 32 of them was brutal.  My parents’ garage will have the spray paint marks to commemorate the experience for years to come.  If we had gone with floral vendors instead of making our own, I could’ve continued going into my 9-5 office job for the entire week.  Then again, we came in well under our original projected budget.  I mean like tens of thousands of dollars under. Hm, maybe the trade off was worth it. You let your cheapness barrier decide this one for you.

Surround yourself with good friends. Our wedding party was our barrier that day. Our day-of coordinator was one of E’s project manager colleagues and he ran the show.  Combined, they took care of everything.  They set the hall up so that it was pretty when guests arrived.  They arranged for missing pieces to be filled in.  They never once asked us for anything.  They packed everything up for us at the end of the night so that when we were ready to leave, we just had to hop in a car and go. I don’t actually know how much crap they took care of that we never knew about.  I love my friends.

Get a good MC. I cannot stress how critical it was to our party to have a good Master of Ceremony.  He was engaging and fun.  He commanded attention.  He was a good speaker.  He kept the night rolling and set the tone for the evening.  A dull MC means everyone gets bored.  An engaging MC gets the audience into it.  An engaged audience is a fun audience.

Get a good DJ. Same as the MC, a good DJ will make sure people will get up and moving.  Ours set the atmosphere for the night, and we received lots of comments about the songs he spun.  If anyone is interested:  Robin Macdonald went above and beyond what he’s supposed to do for us.  We had a great experience with him.

If you can’t go big, go home. E and I struggled a lot with our first dance.  We both suck at dancing slowly and looking graceful.  And I can’t take direction.  So instead of forcing out an awfully awkward dance, we stuck with simple stepping to the rhythm. No dipping and spinning and twirling.  This lesson covers everything.  If you can’t do a zombie-themed wedding right, don’t bother forcing it.  It’ll just come out a hot mess.

Good bartenders are a bonus. Our bartenders took the party to another level with their tricks.  They were juggling glasses and bottles all night.  And when the dance floor opened, they lit the bar on fire – literally.  They made fireballs, fountains of fire, and flaming sambucas.  Loved. It.

Bonus tip: For those of you in Toronto who need to buy decorations in bulk, but don’t want to pay the hefty shipping charges, I have two words for you: Creative Bag. I could have saved so much money if I’d known about the store earlier.  Ribbon, wrapping paper, party favours, they have everything.  Instead, I made repeated trips to Michaels to buy a million rolls of ribbon and wire and other crafting supplies.  Ugh.

Other thoughts? What about you other past brides?  Any experience you can share with those soon-to-be’s? Share share share!

You would think that as someone who writes for a living, I would be able to find the words to describe our wedding day, but I can’t.  I’ll just say that it was one of the best days of my life.

And now that it’s happened, everyone can see what happened with the ideas that I had at the beginning and how they played out on the big day. E was so concerned about our secrets being leaked, but honestly, I think seeing the stuff in action was totally different.

The dress:

Before:

After:

The bouquets:

Before:

After:

The centrepieces:

After:

The hair:

Before:

After:

And because no album is complete with Jo looking silly, “OMG a cake!”

Also, our photographer, Chris, was super fast getting some preliminary photos up.  Go go go go go look at the rest of the pictures from the day (beyond decorations) there!

I was apprehensive about having a bachelorette party, mostly because I was aware of the astronomical costs of some of these things.  I think my friends pulled it off with aplomb!

This past weekend was the bridal shower/bachelorette doodad.  It was an absolutely perfect party.  Who would’ve thought that decorating your own cupcakes could result in such a fit of giggles and girlish glee?  It was fun, creative, messy, and the laughs came nonstop.

Lessons I learned about decorating cupcakes:

1. Icing is ridiculously hard to work with
2. Sprinkles are even more horrid
3. Fondant flowers will cover ANY flaw.  Made a big mistake? More flowers! Men, this is a great lesson for your relationships.
4. No party is complete without a penis cupcake

Of course that was only the beginning.  Then there were the manicures from zoomspa, the mobile spa.  They come right to your door!  And what a great idea, too.  If any of you are looking into doing girly things, I do really recommend a mobile spa.  What a creative alternative to having to pay out the nose for a full spa treatment! My two most amazing girlfriends put so much effort into planning and cooking and decorating, I think that was what I appreciated the most.

Unfortunately, the most x-rated picture I can post is the penis cupcake because, well, the rest of it will be something that only the ladies in attendance will know about

This is a continuation of a previous post so read this one and then come back. I’ll wait.

I think as you get older you start to accept the things that make you happy. It doesn’t sound like a hard thing to do but it also involves letting go of that imaginary person you think you are. Figuring out what makes you happy is a process of trial and error, you need to try things to find out if you like them. Sometimes you see an image or a stranger and you think, “Yeah, I want to be like that person and then I’ll be happy”. I thought that whenever I saw joggers but when I actually started training for a marathon I hit a point where I realized I was just hating it. So I had to let that idea go of eventually becoming one of those people who gets up every morning at 5am and runs while the sun is rising all peaceful and whatnot. Instead, I’m the kind of person who sleeps in until the absolute last minute and then frantically scrambles to work composing themselves just outside the office doors (nothing peaceful about it).

So here are the things I have accepted make me happy regardless how other people feel about them:

1. Dancing in clubs to really horrible pop music

2. Peanut butter

3. Reading

4. Aerial silks

Eco- warrior Emily Hunter shares the details of her newest campaign to protect the Borneo rainforest.  She is on a mission to inspire 20-somethings around the world to fight for what they believe in.

What is Deforest Action?

Deforest Action is a youth driven campaign trying to stop deforestation.  Its first focus is the Borneo rain forest, but then it hopes to be a model replicated throughout the world.  The campaign uses a very holistic approach to conservation. It incorporates animal rights, as we are trying to protect the orangutans of Borneo.  It is a social justice fight, as we are working the local Dayak people in trying to revive their economy using a sustainable approach.  Also, trying to solve deforestation is a means for tackling our climate crisis, as one fifth of green house gas emission comes from deforestation.  Lastly, it’s a global education project involving millions of students in schools, and providing them the means to be involved in change making.

I understand you are working as a team, but what is your role in this work?

My specific role in this work is to be part of the global education project.  I’ll be working with the local schools, as well as global schools around the world, and engaging them with the issues of deforestation.  I’ll be trying to find ways of allowing them to be change makers by simply using their computer.  Part of the project is using advanced technology to allow students, from wherever they are, to actually monitor the Borneo rain forest.  We’ll be facilitating this program called “Earth Watchers”, which allows them to alert us of any illegal deforestation that is happening.

Another component of the education project is to work on small documentaries, video blogs and various media outreach.  All of the team members will be starring in a 3D documentary film called 100 Days in the Jungle, which is directed by award winning filmmakers who will be following our journey during the campaign.  It’ll be like a real life Avatar because it will be 3D in a real rain forest, with real individuals trying to tackle real issues in the world.  This will be a way to reach out to the global masses and teach them about the issues.

What inspired you to get involved with environmental activism?

Despite the fact that my parents were environmental activists and I grew up with environmental activism, I became inspired in my own way.  I really believe that there is a generational call for 20-somethings which need and have a responsibility to tackle the great crises of our time.  For me, one of the most important crises is climate change and the destruction that is happening to our very home, planet earth.  What I have been noticing in my eight years of being an activist is that it’s not the old, tired forms of activism anymore.  There really is a new generation with new tools and new forms of activism emerging.  I’ve witnessed incredible young people from all around the world use their own skills and abilities to make change in new ways, such as the power of social media and the internet for creating mass social movements.  We see this with Arab Spring, with 350.org and Earth Hour, and it is this new generational call to action is what inspires me.

If you could only achieve one thing on your trip, what would that be?

I guess I want to come away from the campaign feeling like I really did make a difference as an individual and that I really contributed something to the project.  I would particularly like to inspire the local youth, as well as the youth around the world, to believe that they can be eco-warrior too! There is power in an idea, and the idea that you can actually make a positive difference for this world – that you can actually change the destructive path that we are on – is an idea that can truly move mountains and survive the 21^st century if more of us believe.

Do you have any advice for other twenty-something’s that want to get involved?

If you are passionate about a particular issue, whether it be an environmental issue or social justice issue, my advice to 20-somethings is to get out there and do something about it.  Don’t wait for a hero to come around and solve the issue, don’t wait for it to resolve itself or become a catastrophe.  We need a generation with will, the will to act and the will to be brave and the will to take risks.  We are all going to have to take a lot more risks and give up a lot more if we want to continue to live in a world where we look forward to tomorrow.  This doesn’t mean that you need to be a traditional activist.  You don’t need to be a vegan with dreadlocks and ripped up clothes that screams on the streets in a protest, but you do need to be willing to stand for something in a world that is coming to a boiling point.  This is our time to change the world and make it what we want to see for ourselves.  Be your own activist.

Please follow Emily on the Deforest Campaign.  Check out http://dfa.tigweb.org/

I have yet to see a photobooth fail at a wedding.  It always looks like tons of fun, and there are always people willing to ham it up.  These particular sets came from our friends Stan and Sophia’s wedding this past weekend.

Their photobooth was hosted by funpix.ca, which included instant printouts, props, and fancery.

A cheaper alternative is to set up your own digital camera, make a trip to the dollar store for some props and funny costumes, sit back, and let the guests to their thang.  The only thing is you won’t be able to print your own out.  But that’s where Facebook comes in!

I’m getting into the home stretch and I’m almost done all the crafting.  Just about everything’s made, I just have to assemble now.

With rose boutonnieres costing $12 apiece, I decided that DIY boutonnieres were something we could do pretty easily on our own without spending huge amounts of money.  The only thing to remember is to create a focal point, and find some decorations to bundle around it at varying heights.

So without further ado, and since my brain’s too focused on other wedding stuff right now to think about witty words of widsom, here’s a tutorial on making boutonnieres.  They were a lot easier than I thought.  I banged out six of ‘em in an hour.

‘Cept since I’m banned from posting the final products now, nobody will see how they’re finished until October 1.  Blame E for that.

You will need:

• A couple of flowers.  One per bout. I bought a bunch of wooden roses from the Lavender Cart at $10 for a dozen.  The storefront is based in Pickering, but they will do local pickup around downtown Toronto too
• Various feathers. I had leftover guinea fowl feathers from my bouquet and picked up some additional electric blue feathers in sprays from Michaels
• Fancy shmancy beads
• Floral tape
• Floral wire
• Wire cutters

Since I bought my feathers pre-made in a spray, I had to take the spray apart.  It was fun and destructive.  If you end up doing this, don’t worry about the bottoms looking ugly, they’ll be covered by tape anyways. So destroy to your heart’s content.  Growl if you want. I won’t judge.

Cut a piece of floral wire about the length of your hand and start wiring your feather.  Make sure the feather is secure while giving you enough room at the bottom to bundle with the rest of your boutonniere.  Do this with three or four feathers.  Or whatever floats your boat.  Some people like fuller boutonnieres.  The more feathers, the more fullness.

Note: Some of the real crafty ones out there will tell you to cut off the downy bits at the base for a neater look.  I am not that skilled (read: I was too lazy).

I decided to also make a beaded spray.  I only did three beads ascending in height.  These will cradle the flower and add more variety. Remember what I said about height?

Start bundling!  I started with the flower as my centre and wrapped everything around it.  I found it helpful to wrap a few and check in the mirror to make sure everything was sitting where I wanted before adding more.  Some of the super crafty people will tell you to use floral tape for each piece that you put on the flower to make it more secure.  Again, I was too lazy, and they all seem to be staying put so far.

Tape up! Grab your floral tape and start wrapping from the base of the flower down the stem.  The beauty about working with so much wire is that if things shift slightly while you wrap, you can bend it all back into place later.

And finally, snip snip!  You only need about two to three inches of stem – cut the rest of your straggling wires off and give that floral tape a good twist to make sure everything stays in place.

How you want to pin it is up to you.  I bought some large safety pins and used my trusty floral wire to tape it in place.  Again, hold the boutonniere in the mirror so that you make sure everything will arrange the way you want.  Traditionally, the boutonniere sits on the left lapel of the suit jacket. Alternatively, you can just buy some regular pins to use on the day of your event.

And that’s it!  Easy peasy.

Total cost: I have to guestimate because everything was bought in packages or rolls.  With the flowers being the most expensive at $0.83, I would guess the whole thing cost less than $1.50.  Now that’s beautiful!

Recently, three of my close female friends have been broken up with by a text message. My girlfriends were furious. The guys responsible were instantly branded as “rude” and “total douche-bags”.

I’m in a relationship right now and haven’t been in the dating scene for a few years. I’m wondering, is this normal? Is this where we are headed? Is technology causing us to lose our manners?

(I know I shouldn’t really talk. I broke up with someone using a post-it, but now that almost seems….retro)

Speaking of retro, do you remember those days long ago, when you’d overhear conversations that sounded like this:

“I can’t believe he broke up with you on the PHONE. What a jerk. He didn’t even have the guts to tell you in person”.

I remember in high school breaking up over the phone was considered a total coward’s move. However, this was during an era when the Internet and cell phones were just starting to become popular, before our culture became saturated with smart phones, texting, bbm’s, and social media. Now, I feel like if you get a phone-call you’re lucky.

It all started in university when an ex-boyfriend of mine broke up with me via an email. It hurt so much to see four months worth of dates, kisses, and nakedness distilled into 4 grammatically questionable sentences. I was livid. My first thought when I read his message was, “He didn’t even have the guts to tell me on the phone?!”.

A year later I had another relationship end over MSN messenger. My first thought was “He couldn’t even EMAIL me?!”. I was upset but I wasn’t exactly surprised. I figured getting broken up with in this way was the downside of dating nerds (the upside being that you always have someone to fix your computer).

Still, this experience left me wondering, “What will be next?”

One of my favorite authors, Douglas Coupland attempts to answer this question in his latest book “Generation A”. The book features a short story entitled “Bartholomew is Right There at the Dawn of Language”. The story takes place in future reality where the protagonist Bartholomew, works as a copy editor for a business magazine. Bart comes from a long line of “language purists” and he abhors the many abbreviations that are now part of our daily life (JPEGS, LOL, BBM, RT, WTF, BFF). The beginning of the end for Bartholomew is when he loses the ability to decipher the text messages that are sent to him. In this future reality, people have begun to send text messages to each other that are composed of only acronyms, abbreviations and numbers. For example “xxx%ghdRTlol” would translate to “Want to go out tonight?”. When the people around him start to talk exactly like they text, he realizes he is trapped in a world where he can no longer understand anyone. Unable to communicate, he becomes a hermit. One day he wakes up to find that The Rapture has happened. Everyone who adopted this new form of communication has left the earth, and the people like Bart, who still preferred to speak in “proper English” are left behind to fend for themselves.

Is this merely one author’s apocalyptic vision or a glimpse into our future? Is it really that far off from reality?

Technology is no doubt changing the way we interact; manage our personal relationships and date. I can’t help but wonder if one day I’ll wake up to a Tweet (or whatever the future equivalent is) that will say:

@by_simone. BR/>>w///u14e6611.kthx

And, I’ll understand “Oh no, he wants to see other people”.

The advent of the “Text Message Break-up” isn’t a sign that people are bigger jerks than they used to be. It’s merely a symptom of the current state of our society. We live in a culture of mass personalization where we are continually bombarded by social media and encouraged to connect with people instantaneously. Communication has become linked to instant gratification. The downside of this is that relationships have become in some ways depersonalized. You can now tell someone something that ordinarily would have been difficult or awkward, without having to look at person in the eye, or see their tears, or hear the disappointment in their voice. The result of this is that your actions lose a sense of consequence.

I was thinking about all of this while waiting for the subway the other day. I looked up and saw a poster for Koodoo Mobile advertising their new text messaging plan. The copy said “Flirting without the awkward silence”. I couldn’t help but wonder; maybe we need that awkward silence. It reminds us that behind the screens of our iPhones and Blackberries, we are all people with feelings. Maybe its this silence that will save us from ourselves and not the other way around.

Click here to read more on love, sex and relationships specifically for 20-somethings.

When I picked up a book called The Happiness Project a little over a year ago I almost felt embarrassed going to the cashier with a book on happiness. After all, shouldn’t happiness be something you either are or you aren’t? Isn’t the self-help section for people who are too cheap to pay for therapy? Is the Chapters cashier judging me?? Anyhoo, I made it out without having a total episode and this book ended up being worth the anguish. Not to be too over-dramatic, but it made me re-examine how I’d been living my entire life up to this point (and I’ll probably refer to it frequently). So here’s one particular quote that stuck with me:

“What’s fun for other people might not be fun for you…and vice versa”

This sounds like common sense but internalizing it was a whole other process. So I made a list of a few things that make other people happy but I secretly hate and would put up with because it’s supposed to be fun.

1. Ice cream- this stuff is like a stomachache in a cone. Plus it’s cold and sticky and there’s no lady-like way of eating it out of a cone and the cone is the best part.

2. Karaoke- listening to people sing the worst songs off-key or even worse, being forced to go up there yourself is the opposite of fun for me.

3. Beer- bloated and burppy are not the side effects I’m looking for when I drink.

4. Driving- I get why some people enjoy this. I personally love being the passenger on long drives, but I’m a mess behind the wheel.

And just in case you think my life is completely joyless, I’ll follow-up this post with one about the stuff I like (that some people probably hate).