Will he propose to you soon? We’re no mind reader but your partner will be giving some definite signs if they’re getting ready to pop the question. So aside from digging through all his stuff to find the ring, here’s another way to find out if you’re about to get a marriage proposal.

1. Honestly, how serious is your relationship?

a. You’ve been dating for a while and things are pretty serious…most of the time.
b. He likes his space and to have his own time, especially with his guy friends. He’d definitely rather hang out with them than with you.
c. You couldn’t imagine your lives without one another.

2. The topic of marriage comes up between you and your man:

a. Once in a while but it still appears to makes him a little uncomfortable.
b. Never! He’d run screaming if you ever mentioned the “M” word.
c. Almost every single day, we’ve done pretty much everything but set the date!

3. Has he met your family?

a. He’s met them all once or twice and doesn’t seem to be in a huge rush to meet them again.
b. God no. The thought of meeting my parents sends chills down his spine.
c. Hundreds of time. But lately he’s been spending a lot of quality time with your dad….hmmm.

4. What is his opinion on children?

a. He wants them….eventually.
b. Children? You mean like those crazy, drool-laden, screeching things that make him cringe?
c. He’s already picked the name of the local little league team he’s going to coach with your sons.

5. What were his past relationships like?

a. He had a few serious ones, and a few not so serious ones.
b. That depends what qualifies as a “relationship”….
c. He’s always been a serial monogamist. He likes his relationships long term and when he knows there is no future, he’s gone in a heartbeat.

6. His last major expensive purchase was:

a. A trip to Cancun with you….and another couple.
b. A 42″ plasma television, complete with surround sound and an X-Box.
c. He hasn’t made any lately. He’s been pinching his pennies, saving for a rainy day….or something like that.

Mostly A’s: Maybe he will, maybe he won’t…

“It isn’t an overnight transition for guys to go from ‘wanting to one day get married’ to ‘actually being ready to get married’,” says Matt, a 31-year-old from Toronto who proposed to his girlfriend of six years in October. But just because your guy isn’t raiding your jewelry box to get your ring size doesn’t mean he won’t be ready one day. “I went through a lot of emotions to get to the point where I was ready including a complete fear of being with one person forever and a whole lot of ‘maybe I will, maybe I won’t’ moments. It was a very indecisive time in my life. But once I was sure, I was 100% sure.”

Mostly B’s: He’s just not that into you…

“I have a lot of friends who are so far from ever being ready to settle down,” says Matt. “Being a guy I can see all the signs but a lot of girls can be too hopelessly romantic to see it.” Warning signals that he’s not ready to commit include a reluctance to “classify” exactly what your relationship is, constantly picking time with his buddies over time with you, and putting his own needs (see X-Box purchase) ahead of yours.

Mostly C’s: Get ready for those four big words…

“When I knew I was ready to marry my fiance my entire world changed,” said Matt. “Suddenly I stopped thinking of her as my girlfriend and more as the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now there was no fear when we talked about our future, like discussing about what we wanted for our wedding and what we were going to name our kids. I thought she sensed it too but she was so surprised when I did finally pop the question that I guess maybe she didn’t.” Maybe now you understand why him and your pops are so chummy after all…

In the absence of hard evidence, a nosy friend, or the money to pay a private detective, however, there are universal telltale signs that may suggest it is worth asking questions. Be prepared for anger at the lack of trust if your partner manages to prove your suspicions wrong, but also be prepared for the consequences if the response is the one you really don’t want to hear. increased hormonal activity in the brain causes behavioral changes. These may be subtle changes to one’s daily habits or new habits that are designed to try to cover up normal daily routines.

1. Routine changes

Any change in behaviors that have been part of your life as a couple can indicate a driving force outside the home: A man starts doing his own washing; an armchair TV addict joins a gym; your partner stops wearing a wedding ring or starts locking drawers.

2. Sex changes

There may be subtle changes in the regularity or style of doing the horizontal hula, but they should not be ignored. If they want to try things they’ve never done before, there may be someone else coaching or influencing a newfound passion, sensitivity, or expertise. There may also be a sudden lack of wanting to have sex at all.

3. Appearance changes

Dieting, new clothes, showers the minute they walk in the door, him shaving twice a day, her getting a new hairstyle or cutting her hair.

4. Business trips

Increased trips away, more than the usual number of overnighters, failure to invite you to business events, secrecy or vagueness about schedules, failure to share flight or hotel information, not being where one is supposed to be. Alternatively, he might start working
late into the evening, or you may notice that her workmates are uncomfortable around you.

5. Nervous reactions

When the phone rings or when you mention a certain person at his work. Also look out for talking in her sleep, erratic mood swings, and increased criticism of you.

6. Conversation changes

In the case of cheating at work, someone who was mentioned in passing as part of her news of the day either figures more prominently— “Had lunch with . . .” or “Was chatting to . . . today”—or often repeat the same stories because he’s forgotten who’s been told what.

7. Technology changes

You start to notice that your partner prefers to e-mail you rather than call you. When he calls you, conversations are kept short, end abruptly, or are whispered, all signs that someone else may be present. She has constant excuses to go for a walk with her mobile phone—for example, there’s bad phone reception where you are sitting—or she goes to the toilet too often and for too long. When you are together, he doesn’t want to pick up certain incoming calls in your presence. She is constantly online, even when with you, checking e-mails, and if you approach, the window on the computer is suddenly closed. His BlackBerry is never left lying around where you might see it. Her computer and phone suddenly have passwords.

8. New friends

He has new work buddies you never get to meet. They call from time to time, but the calls are always short—she says she’ll call them back or that she doesn’t have the information right now. If you find out that his friends are cheaters, it may be a cheaters’ support group. Like attracts like. These clues are more often seen in men than in women. Women are more subtle in concealment, and men are generally worse when it comes to spotting clues (as detailed in The Definitive Book of Body Language). Often there are clues a blind dog could spot, but you would be amazed how many men will still fail to notice—for example, a complete withdrawal of her affection, suggestions that he go away for the weekend, condoms in the travel bag, emotional distance, and her preoccupation with everything but him. Women who are having an affair are likely to withdraw intimacy and sex in the marriage because duplicity comes much harder for them—most have evolved to be one-man women at heart.

Excerpted from Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Barbara and Allan Pease Copyright © 2010 by Barbara Pease. Excerpted by permission of Broadway. All rights reserved.

Whether you’ve got some suspicions about your partner’s fidelity or just a little curious, take this quiz to find out if your partner could be having an affair.

1. When you first started dating your boyfriend’s Blackberry phonebook was full of:
a. A few buddies, a few exes, and lots of random girls.
b. His buddies, his parents, and you.
c. His buddies, his parents, you…and a few random girls.

2. You’ve been talking all week about the really big, really important meeting you have at work on Friday afternoon, when you return home that evening he:
a. Isn’t even home. There is a note on the table saying he went for a few drinks with his buddies.
b. Immediately rushes in to ask how the meeting went.
c. Doesn’t say anything but as soon as you mention it he takes a genuine interest in hearing about how it went.

3. His phone rings during a date and you get a glimpse of an unfamiliar number, he:
a. Doesn’t make eye contact and takes the phone into the other room to take the call.
b. Answers it and starts chatting away right next to you.
c. Ignores it.

4. You’re out at a bar and he sees his best friend’s girl with another guy, he:
a. Ignores it and when you question him he says it is none of his business.
b. Pulls out his phone, takes a pic, sends it to his buddy, and then calls him right away.
c. Sends his friend a text telling him he just saw a girl who looks exactly like his girlfriend at the bar with another dude. From there he leaves the problem up to him.

5. You and your man sit down to have that serious talk about past relationships, his naughty little secret is:
a. That he cheated on his ex…a few times…but that “it was no big deal really”
b. That he has fantasized about other girls while in bed with his exes…but who hasn’t right?
c. That he cheated on his ex once but was so wracked with guilt he came clean and could never see himself doing it again.

6. A few months back you suggested that maybe your boyfriend should take up a new hobby. What did he do?
a. Nothing. But he does seem to be taking a lot more late night meetings at work.
b. Signed himself up for cooking classes so that he could finally make you a romantic dinner once and a while.
c. Bought a membership to the city’s most exclusive gym and all of a sudden has the body of a Greek god.

7. Your sex life…
a. Is virtually non-existent
b. Is just as great as it always was.
c. Has its ups and downs. But that happens to every couple after a while…right?

Mostly A’s: He’s probably cheating

The very fact that you are doing this test is the first clue that you may have some suspicions about your partners fidelity, says Al Duncan, owner of the confidential investigation company Toronto PI. “What I always tell clients seeking help is that no one knows the individual party better then the client themselves – if a client has enough suspicion and worry that it drives them to the point where they call out for help, then usually their gut instinct is right”. Withdrawal of sexual activity, mysterious phone calls, and an increase in work meetings or late night activities are all signs that could mean your suspicions are correct. Your best bet is to sit your man down for a chat and explain all the changes you’ve noticed and give him a chance to explain. He may come clean and he may not. Either way you will have to decide if you will ever be able to trust him enough to live with what he may or may not have done.

Mostly B’s: He’s probably not cheating

He is so into you that he wouldn’t give a second look to a full truckload of Hooters girls. The guy who remembers things that are important to you and who is eager to make an effort to make you as happy as you make him is a guy who has no interest in being with anyone but the lovely lady by his side (that’s you!)

Mostly C’s: He could be cheating

This guy is a tricky one. This is the guy who likes to flirt, the guy who likes to go to the gym as much as he likes to admire his physique in the mirror, the guy who’s cheated before but swears he could never do it again. Basically, this is the guy that you haven’t trusted since day one. It is here that you have to decipher whether or not your man is actually acting suspiciously or whether you are just taking his behaviors and blowing them out of proportion because of your insecurities. Your best bet here is to be straight out and let him know that you are having issues trusting him and his behaviors. Chances are that if he’s not cheating he’ll make the efforts to change his ways. Most important here is to give him the benefit of the doubt. And if you can’t, then it is time to find yourself a new man….with a clean slate.

Al Duncan is a retired Detective Sergeant and was one of the longest serving members of the Toronto Police Service Internal Affairs Unit. His company Toronto PI offers a reliable and completely confidential service to members of the general public and corporate law offices in the areas of surveillance, missing persons, domestic and child custody matters, computer forensics, civil and criminal investigations. For more information visit www.torontopi.com or email info@torontopi.com

A lot of myths go around about what common-law actually is — don’t get your definition of common-law from friends or TV. Here’s how to protect yourself in a common-law relationship.

According to Statistics Canada, nearly 700,000 people in Ontario choose to forego a trip down the aisle and live in a common-law relationship instead.

In Ontario, a Common-law relationship is defined under the family law act as two people, whether opposite or same-sex, who have been living together for at least three years or have a child and have been living together for some permanence.

Although some people refer to common-law relationships as common-law marriages, they’re wrong. Such a marriage does not exist because a common-law relationship is strictly a relationship. There’s no legal contract required to have one or to end one. Once the relationship is over, it’s over. While there are many similarities between common-law relationships and marriage, there are differences as well.

Common-law 101: property rights

Myth: In a common-law relationship, I have the same property rights as married couples.

Wrong! This is one of the biggest myths Fred Streiman from Dale, Streiman, Kurtz Barristers and Solicitors hears. The property each spouse brings into a common-law relationship continues to belong to that person once the relationship ends. For instance, real estate, vehicles, furniture, financial assets like RRSPs, businesses, even debt – anything you personally own, belongs to you. But, if a couple jointly purchases goods, then both spouses have to share the value or debt incurred.

Lesley Chitra and her partner are high school sweethearts. Prior to getting married, the couple lived in a common-law relationship. But before deciding to take the big step, Chitra did some research and sought legal advice on how she could protect herself. Moving into a house that was under her spouses name, Chitra decided to document everything she contributed to the relationship such as bills, division of labour, and other contributions she made to the house.

“I contributed in terms of furnishing the home and paying bills and what not, whereas he primarily handled the housing.”

Through Chitra’s research, she knew by documenting such things, if she and her spouse were to split, she could argue in court that she should be compensated for her contributions.

For Jennifer Santino, the situation was different. Santino was in a common-law relationship for over five years and during that time she and her partner equally contributed to expenses. When the relationship ended, Santino continued to pay bills that had been incurred by both herself and her partner during the relationship because the bills were in her name.

“I paid thousands extra,” says Santino who admits to not knowing her rights. Looking back, “I’d do more research … and look at my legal responsibilities.”

Common-law 101: spousal and child support

Couples have the responsibility to financially support each other just like married couples. However, unlike married couples, when the relationship ends, spouses in a common–law relationship have a time limit of two years from the time of the split to apply for spousal support from the other person.

But when it comes to child support, a time limit does not exist. A child has a right to be supported regardless if their parents are married or not.

Common-law 101: benefits

Common-law couples may have access to a variety of their spouses’ benefits such as employee benefits, CPP benefits, and welfare benefits. Many benefits have different regulations, time frames, and definitions as to what they consider to be common-law. It’s always best to check to see if you’re eligible for such benefits.

Common-law 101: protect yourself

So what can you do to protect yourself from getting blind-sided after dissolving a common-law relationship?

Streiman suggests couples get a cohabitation agreement or something known as a domestic contract. A domestic contract is a legal document stating how you and your partner want your property, finances, or any legal decisions about the relationship dealt with.

“It avoids uncertainty,” says Streiman, who also adds these contracts may save time and avoid a nasty court battle. Streiman advises couples to sit down and figure out what they would like to put in their contract, because you’ll be putting your time, money and emotions at risk without one.

It’s official: You are pregnant. Here’s what to expect as a young mother-to-be, as well as where to find support online.

Regardless of whether or not you are in a committed relationship, an unexpected pregnancy in your twenties can be challenging. Between post-secondary school and a burgeoning career, there is a lot going on when you’re 20-something, and adding the challenges of being a young mother can be overwhelming. If you’re here, you’ve obviously made up your mind: You are keeping your baby. So what’s next?

The challenges of young motherhood

Tara Pringle found herself unexpectedly pregnant at age 20, while still in college. While her family was incredibly supportive, not everyone was thrilled: “I could tell at first that there was definitely some disappointment, especially from my dad,” she says. “He was struggling a bit; I definitely noticed he wasn’t spreading the news like my mother was.” Pringle said it wasn’t until after her daughter was born that her father seemed to be at peace with becoming an early grandpa.

You need to be prepared to face negative stereotypes about young mothers. Pringle says, “People see being a young mother as more as a challenge, not a normal part of life.”

Expect the issue of money to come up early and often: It’s been estimated that it costs $200,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18, and that’s not including educational costs. If you are still in post-secondary school or a recent graduate, the money issue becomes even more dramatic. Statistics Canada says that the average student graduates with anywhere from $13, 000 to $20, 000 worth of debt depending on their level of education.

Overcoming challenges as a young mother

Now 23 and the mother of two children under the age of 3, Pringle defies every young mother stereotype. Not only did she attend college classes right up to her due date, but she wrote her final exam a week after delivering her daughter via C-section, and received an A.

“It is going to be a little bit different, as a younger mother, because you might not have the salary you want, the career you want, the solid relationship with your significant other that you want… But you just have to do what feels right for you, and not let society dictate what kind of mom you’re going to be.”

Resources for young mother:

The Young Mommy Life
Billed as ‘a real look at a 20something mom,’ this blog is written by Tara Pringle, a 23 year-old mom of two. Expect the real dirt on having and raising babies: “As a 20something mom, I don’t have $500 to spend on a stroller and I don’t have a ton of ‘mommy friends’ to go to for advice when I’m this close to jumping off the roof.”

Young Mommies
For young mommies, by young mommies. This online community offers chat, message boards and online communities, as well as city-by-city resource guides for young moms-to-be. The goal of this website is to support and inform young mothers, to better equip them for the challenges of parenting.

Women’s Health Matters—Pregnancy
This website takes first-time mothers through every stage of pregnancy and beyond, including tips for living with a newborn, breastfeeding, taking care of yourself and what to do if you’re feeling overwhelmed. For women who live in Toronto, the site also features links to resources and programs offered by The Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre. The site is run by The Women’s College Hospital.

The Sensible Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy
Published by the Public Health Agency of Canada, this guide for expectant mothers covers everything a pregnant woman should know about lifestyle choices: nutrition, exercise and emotional health are all addressed in this guide, as well as the effects of smoking and drinking on your baby. It also has a ten-month calendar to help track pregnancy milestones.

In Canada you have many options available to you, plus a variety of places to turn to for support when faced with an unwanted pregnancy.

Deciding to terminate a pregnancy or place your baby for adoption is possibly the hardest decision you will ever make. Luckily living in Canada means you have options and support to help you along the way. So when you find yourself pregnant and know you cannot keep your baby, what are your options?

Adoption

There are a number of things to consider when you decide to make an adoption plan. The first and most important is to find out how far along your pregnancy is and how it is progressing, and then decide if adoption is the right path for you. Tara, a 29-year-old from Red Deer, Alberta, was only 19 when she discovered she was pregnant and within a week of the discovery she and the baby’s father made the decision to place the baby for adoption. “My original choice would have been to terminate the pregnancy, however I found out I was pregnant too late to have an abortion,” she said. “As both the father and I were young and in college, living at home and wanting more for ourselves and our child, we decided to make an adoption plan.”

Once you know with certainty that adoption is the right choice for you, finding the right adoption agency will become the primary focus. In Canada, the most traditional route for adopting is through a public child welfare agency or a government adoption agency. However, the use of private agencies, which allow for direct placements between a pregnant woman and the adoptive parents, has become increasingly popular in recent years due to the lack of children under the age of two within the public sphere and the fact that many adoptive parents seek to adopt newborns.

Confiding in friends and family is very important during this time and their support and advice during these decision making days will be essential to ensure that no decision is too rushed or made in haste. Remember, your head may be a little cloudy and overwhelmed at this point and letting someone help a little with the load is always a good idea.

For Tara and her boyfriend, friends and family supported their wishes but Tara knew that many of them secretly wished they had parented the child themselves, including one friend who urged her to try and get her child back after the adoption had taken place. Luckily for them, however, this was not the end of their relationship with their child.

“I knew I couldn’t place my child for adoption and then just walk away and not know anything about the child,” she said, which was the main reason she and the baby’s father opted for an open adoption.

Deciding whether to proceed with an open or closed adoption is undoubtedly the most important decision you will make following the decision to make an adoption plan. In years gone by adoption was often an isolated, secretive experience and the birthparents relationship often ended the moment their child was handed over to the adoptive parents.

Today open adoptions are far more frequent and the lines of communication far more mailable for birth parents who wish to continue to know their child, whether just through vague yearly updates or face-to-face monthly visits. Nine years after giving up their child, Tara and her baby’s father see their child and the adoptive family a few times a year and correspond through emails and the occasional phone call.

The aftermath of adoption

And once all the decisions are made, there is little else to do but keep yourself healthy and wait for the arrival of your baby. For, as many have said before, there is little that can prepare you for the emotions that comes with giving up your child. Described as the “single most heartbreaking thing [she'd] ever had to do in [her] life”, Tara says that giving up her child was similar to the loss and grief that one experiences with the death of a loved one. “However, it’s complicated by the fact that the baby didn’t die and that society as a whole does not accept your loss and grief as valid since you were the one who chose to do this.”

Coping, Tara said, came with the help of a tight social circle that included her boyfriend (the baby’s father), her mom, a few close friends, and her agency social workers. Getting to know other birthmothers, like herself, also played a huge role in helping her overcome the pain of losing her child, she said.

So what happens in the aftermath of adoption? The biggest question may be ‘will I regret it?’ That all depends on your outlook on the situation and how you deal with it, says Tara. “I have regrets about how certain things happened during the process and I regret ever allowing myself to need to place my child for adoption, but overall [I have] no regrets.”

Abortion

While regulations and accessibility varies between provinces across the country, Canada is one of the only nations in the world with no legal restrictions on abortions. A plus and a minus in many eyes, what it means for a woman who finds herself in an uncertain pregnancy is that she has a choice.

It is important for any woman who is considering an abortion that it is a very final solution that can often come with a number of physical and emotional side effects that one needs to be prepared for.

Women have abortions for any number of reasons and talking these reasons through with your partner, your family, and close friends is essential at this time. The decision making process during an unwanted pregnancy can be stressful and deciphering who is supporting your decision and who opposes it, as well as how those people’s opinions affect your own, is extremely important, says the National Abortion Federation (NAF). Look at your future goals and figure out how abortion will affect those goals, and then think about your immediate plans and how continuing this pregnancy will affect them. Most important, says the NAF, is deciding what your personal stance on abortion is and how you will feel about your decision in one month or one year.

Once decided there are two types of abortion procedures available to women. The first is a surgical abortion, which is more evasive but with less pain and little recovery time (most women are usually back to their daily activities within a day) or a medical abortion, which is less evasive but can result in severe cramping and bleeding that can last a number of days. Deciding on your method will again depend on your beliefs and comfort level, as well as the stage you are at in your pregnancy (medical abortions can only be used in the first seven to nine weeks of pregnancy).

Following the abortion a majority of women feel a sense of relief but, as the NAF warns, some women can also experience feelings of loss, sadness, and grief. “There is no right or wrong way to grieve [after an abortion],” says the NAF. “The feelings are real, and you should give yourself permission to have them.”

Most clinics will provide post-abortion counseling for those women who are having trouble coping with their emotions, however if they do not, and you find yourself in need of such care, most can provide a referral to a clinic which will be able to assist you. And much like the adoption process, do not forget to surround yourself with loving and supportive people. They will make the biggest impact on you and your emotional state during this time.

Resources for adoption

Adoption Council of Canada
Your one stop website for anything and everything related to the adoption precess in Canada, including the provincial mandated legalities, statistics, FAQs, and a glossary of adoption terms.
www.adoption.ca

Canadian Adoption Resources
An online networking service for birth mothers (as well as adoptive parents) including information on adoption myths and risks, choosing the right adoption agency, and what you should and shouldn’t do during the adoption process.
www.canadaadopts.com/

iVillage Message Boards
Has a great section of its message boards devoted strictly to adoption with more that 110,000 posts and hundreds more posted each month by those considering adoption, those who have adopted, those who’ve already gone through adoption, and those who have been adopted.
parenting.ivillage.com/messageboards

BirthMother.com
An information and discussion site for birthmothers both in the pre-placement and post-placement stages of adoption. Included articles, stories, support forums, and information on how to cope before and after your adoption.
BirthMother.com

Resources for abortion

The National Abortion Federation: In Canada
This Canadian division of the National Abortion Federation offers information about services and resources throughout the country.
www.prochoice.org/canada/index.html

AfterAbortion.com
Offers message boards and chat rooms for both pre- and post-abortion women, as well as structured recovery support groups which place 15 women together to provide “an online, non-religion based, non-political healing program for women recovering after an abortion.”
AfterAbortion.com

eHealth Forum
This website hosts countless forums and answers millions of medical questions. It also includes a general abortion forum that covers an endless number of topics and provides answers to a number of posted questions on both abortion and adoption.
ehealthforum.com

The Experience Project
An anonymous open forum that allows anyone from anywhere to post experiences of any type. Today, more than 3 million have shared some of their most personal and daunting life experiences including decision to terminate pregnancies and give babies up for adoption. An insightful and inspiring website for another who feels alone in this world.
www.experienceproject.com