Whether you’ve got some suspicions about your partner’s fidelity or just a little curious, take this quiz to find out if your partner could be having an affair.

1. When you first started dating your boyfriend’s Blackberry phonebook was full of:
a. A few buddies, a few exes, and lots of random girls.
b. His buddies, his parents, and you.
c. His buddies, his parents, you…and a few random girls.

2. You’ve been talking all week about the really big, really important meeting you have at work on Friday afternoon, when you return home that evening he:
a. Isn’t even home. There is a note on the table saying he went for a few drinks with his buddies.
b. Immediately rushes in to ask how the meeting went.
c. Doesn’t say anything but as soon as you mention it he takes a genuine interest in hearing about how it went.

3. His phone rings during a date and you get a glimpse of an unfamiliar number, he:
a. Doesn’t make eye contact and takes the phone into the other room to take the call.
b. Answers it and starts chatting away right next to you.
c. Ignores it.

4. You’re out at a bar and he sees his best friend’s girl with another guy, he:
a. Ignores it and when you question him he says it is none of his business.
b. Pulls out his phone, takes a pic, sends it to his buddy, and then calls him right away.
c. Sends his friend a text telling him he just saw a girl who looks exactly like his girlfriend at the bar with another dude. From there he leaves the problem up to him.

5. You and your man sit down to have that serious talk about past relationships, his naughty little secret is:
a. That he cheated on his ex…a few times…but that “it was no big deal really”
b. That he has fantasized about other girls while in bed with his exes…but who hasn’t right?
c. That he cheated on his ex once but was so wracked with guilt he came clean and could never see himself doing it again.

6. A few months back you suggested that maybe your boyfriend should take up a new hobby. What did he do?
a. Nothing. But he does seem to be taking a lot more late night meetings at work.
b. Signed himself up for cooking classes so that he could finally make you a romantic dinner once and a while.
c. Bought a membership to the city’s most exclusive gym and all of a sudden has the body of a Greek god.

7. Your sex life…
a. Is virtually non-existent
b. Is just as great as it always was.
c. Has its ups and downs. But that happens to every couple after a while…right?

Mostly A’s: He’s probably cheating

The very fact that you are doing this test is the first clue that you may have some suspicions about your partners fidelity, says Al Duncan, owner of the confidential investigation company Toronto PI. “What I always tell clients seeking help is that no one knows the individual party better then the client themselves – if a client has enough suspicion and worry that it drives them to the point where they call out for help, then usually their gut instinct is right”. Withdrawal of sexual activity, mysterious phone calls, and an increase in work meetings or late night activities are all signs that could mean your suspicions are correct. Your best bet is to sit your man down for a chat and explain all the changes you’ve noticed and give him a chance to explain. He may come clean and he may not. Either way you will have to decide if you will ever be able to trust him enough to live with what he may or may not have done.

Mostly B’s: He’s probably not cheating

He is so into you that he wouldn’t give a second look to a full truckload of Hooters girls. The guy who remembers things that are important to you and who is eager to make an effort to make you as happy as you make him is a guy who has no interest in being with anyone but the lovely lady by his side (that’s you!)

Mostly C’s: He could be cheating

This guy is a tricky one. This is the guy who likes to flirt, the guy who likes to go to the gym as much as he likes to admire his physique in the mirror, the guy who’s cheated before but swears he could never do it again. Basically, this is the guy that you haven’t trusted since day one. It is here that you have to decipher whether or not your man is actually acting suspiciously or whether you are just taking his behaviors and blowing them out of proportion because of your insecurities. Your best bet here is to be straight out and let him know that you are having issues trusting him and his behaviors. Chances are that if he’s not cheating he’ll make the efforts to change his ways. Most important here is to give him the benefit of the doubt. And if you can’t, then it is time to find yourself a new man….with a clean slate.

Al Duncan is a retired Detective Sergeant and was one of the longest serving members of the Toronto Police Service Internal Affairs Unit. His company Toronto PI offers a reliable and completely confidential service to members of the general public and corporate law offices in the areas of surveillance, missing persons, domestic and child custody matters, computer forensics, civil and criminal investigations. For more information visit www.torontopi.com or email info@torontopi.com

Recently, three of my close female friends have been broken up with by a text message. My girlfriends were furious. The guys responsible were instantly branded as “rude” and “total douche-bags”.

I’m in a relationship right now and haven’t been in the dating scene for a few years. I’m wondering, is this normal? Is this where we are headed? Is technology causing us to lose our manners?

(I know I shouldn’t really talk. I broke up with someone using a post-it, but now that almost seems….retro)

Speaking of retro, do you remember those days long ago, when you’d overhear conversations that sounded like this:

“I can’t believe he broke up with you on the PHONE. What a jerk. He didn’t even have the guts to tell you in person”.

I remember in high school breaking up over the phone was considered a total coward’s move. However, this was during an era when the Internet and cell phones were just starting to become popular, before our culture became saturated with smart phones, texting, bbm’s, and social media. Now, I feel like if you get a phone-call you’re lucky.

It all started in university when an ex-boyfriend of mine broke up with me via an email. It hurt so much to see four months worth of dates, kisses, and nakedness distilled into 4 grammatically questionable sentences. I was livid. My first thought when I read his message was, “He didn’t even have the guts to tell me on the phone?!”.

A year later I had another relationship end over MSN messenger. My first thought was “He couldn’t even EMAIL me?!”. I was upset but I wasn’t exactly surprised. I figured getting broken up with in this way was the downside of dating nerds (the upside being that you always have someone to fix your computer).

Still, this experience left me wondering, “What will be next?”

One of my favorite authors, Douglas Coupland attempts to answer this question in his latest book “Generation A”. The book features a short story entitled “Bartholomew is Right There at the Dawn of Language”. The story takes place in future reality where the protagonist Bartholomew, works as a copy editor for a business magazine. Bart comes from a long line of “language purists” and he abhors the many abbreviations that are now part of our daily life (JPEGS, LOL, BBM, RT, WTF, BFF). The beginning of the end for Bartholomew is when he loses the ability to decipher the text messages that are sent to him. In this future reality, people have begun to send text messages to each other that are composed of only acronyms, abbreviations and numbers. For example “xxx%ghdRTlol” would translate to “Want to go out tonight?”. When the people around him start to talk exactly like they text, he realizes he is trapped in a world where he can no longer understand anyone. Unable to communicate, he becomes a hermit. One day he wakes up to find that The Rapture has happened. Everyone who adopted this new form of communication has left the earth, and the people like Bart, who still preferred to speak in “proper English” are left behind to fend for themselves.

Is this merely one author’s apocalyptic vision or a glimpse into our future? Is it really that far off from reality?

Technology is no doubt changing the way we interact; manage our personal relationships and date. I can’t help but wonder if one day I’ll wake up to a Tweet (or whatever the future equivalent is) that will say:

@by_simone. BR/>>w///u14e6611.kthx

And, I’ll understand “Oh no, he wants to see other people”.

The advent of the “Text Message Break-up” isn’t a sign that people are bigger jerks than they used to be. It’s merely a symptom of the current state of our society. We live in a culture of mass personalization where we are continually bombarded by social media and encouraged to connect with people instantaneously. Communication has become linked to instant gratification. The downside of this is that relationships have become in some ways depersonalized. You can now tell someone something that ordinarily would have been difficult or awkward, without having to look at person in the eye, or see their tears, or hear the disappointment in their voice. The result of this is that your actions lose a sense of consequence.

I was thinking about all of this while waiting for the subway the other day. I looked up and saw a poster for Koodoo Mobile advertising their new text messaging plan. The copy said “Flirting without the awkward silence”. I couldn’t help but wonder; maybe we need that awkward silence. It reminds us that behind the screens of our iPhones and Blackberries, we are all people with feelings. Maybe its this silence that will save us from ourselves and not the other way around.

Click here to read more on love, sex and relationships specifically for 20-somethings.

A lot of myths go around about what common-law actually is — don’t get your definition of common-law from friends or TV. Here’s how to protect yourself in a common-law relationship.

According to Statistics Canada, nearly 700,000 people in Ontario choose to forego a trip down the aisle and live in a common-law relationship instead.

In Ontario, a Common-law relationship is defined under the family law act as two people, whether opposite or same-sex, who have been living together for at least three years or have a child and have been living together for some permanence.

Although some people refer to common-law relationships as common-law marriages, they’re wrong. Such a marriage does not exist because a common-law relationship is strictly a relationship. There’s no legal contract required to have one or to end one. Once the relationship is over, it’s over. While there are many similarities between common-law relationships and marriage, there are differences as well.

Common-law 101: property rights

Myth: In a common-law relationship, I have the same property rights as married couples.

Wrong! This is one of the biggest myths Fred Streiman from Dale, Streiman, Kurtz Barristers and Solicitors hears. The property each spouse brings into a common-law relationship continues to belong to that person once the relationship ends. For instance, real estate, vehicles, furniture, financial assets like RRSPs, businesses, even debt – anything you personally own, belongs to you. But, if a couple jointly purchases goods, then both spouses have to share the value or debt incurred.

Lesley Chitra and her partner are high school sweethearts. Prior to getting married, the couple lived in a common-law relationship. But before deciding to take the big step, Chitra did some research and sought legal advice on how she could protect herself. Moving into a house that was under her spouses name, Chitra decided to document everything she contributed to the relationship such as bills, division of labour, and other contributions she made to the house.

“I contributed in terms of furnishing the home and paying bills and what not, whereas he primarily handled the housing.”

Through Chitra’s research, she knew by documenting such things, if she and her spouse were to split, she could argue in court that she should be compensated for her contributions.

For Jennifer Santino, the situation was different. Santino was in a common-law relationship for over five years and during that time she and her partner equally contributed to expenses. When the relationship ended, Santino continued to pay bills that had been incurred by both herself and her partner during the relationship because the bills were in her name.

“I paid thousands extra,” says Santino who admits to not knowing her rights. Looking back, “I’d do more research … and look at my legal responsibilities.”

Common-law 101: spousal and child support

Couples have the responsibility to financially support each other just like married couples. However, unlike married couples, when the relationship ends, spouses in a common–law relationship have a time limit of two years from the time of the split to apply for spousal support from the other person.

But when it comes to child support, a time limit does not exist. A child has a right to be supported regardless if their parents are married or not.

Common-law 101: benefits

Common-law couples may have access to a variety of their spouses’ benefits such as employee benefits, CPP benefits, and welfare benefits. Many benefits have different regulations, time frames, and definitions as to what they consider to be common-law. It’s always best to check to see if you’re eligible for such benefits.

Common-law 101: protect yourself

So what can you do to protect yourself from getting blind-sided after dissolving a common-law relationship?

Streiman suggests couples get a cohabitation agreement or something known as a domestic contract. A domestic contract is a legal document stating how you and your partner want your property, finances, or any legal decisions about the relationship dealt with.

“It avoids uncertainty,” says Streiman, who also adds these contracts may save time and avoid a nasty court battle. Streiman advises couples to sit down and figure out what they would like to put in their contract, because you’ll be putting your time, money and emotions at risk without one.

After publishing Simone’s anonymous ex-boyfriend letter, I received a lot of interest from people wanting to write their own ex-boyfriend or girlfriend letters. So, I would like to encourage anyone who’s interested in writing one to send it in to dayna.boyer@20-something.ca and I will publish it here. Think of it as free therapy with a sprinkling of closure.

And to be fair (because women do some crazy stuff too), here’s an ex-girlfriend letter from one of our male readers:

Dear ex girlfriend,

I wasn’t honest with you then, but with time, space and considerable distance I feel like I can be honest with you now. Our relationship was brief. I don’t think we were initially each other’s ‘type’ in a traditional sense and I think perhaps the ‘foreignness’ of our coupling could have hurt communication. I know personally that I allowed little things to distract me from larger issues; course correcting certain social faux pas for example. Letting you know that referring to me as your “chocolate lover” was probably not advisable is minor in the grand scheme.  Never fear, I never thought it was a racist thing. I just think it’s kind of gross. In any case, there are a few things that we should discuss, beyond non ironic racial identifiers, that might serve you well going forward.

a.Your boobs are ridiculous.

Honestly. To be clear you had them before I got there, but I think my initial feigned enthusiasm gave you a false sense of satisfaction. In my defense there was all that wine and the clever wordplay prior to the big initial unveiling. To have appeared unenthusiastic would have just been rude. In reality they feel like baked potatoes. With the aluminum foil left on. Imagine aliens moving into your house. They look weird. They don’t react the way they should. They just sit there, doing whatever it is they’re suppose to be doing. Eventually you give up trying to understand them and just ignore them completely. The particular analogy should probably clear some things up.

Oh there is one caveat. I have to grudgingly admit, the ‘”girls” do look stunning in formal attire. Strapless dresses truly demonstrated their gravity defying capabilities to best effect. However, I wish you would have used better discretion when you chose to employ them. All this to say thanks for making my cousin’s wedding awkward. I’m pretty sure you jump started the ring bearer’s ascent into puberty.

b.Your tattoo is unfortunate.

Let’s start with the location. I’m sure when you initially got it, the lower back seemed like an ideal location for a tattoo. It’s not your fault that the site became associated with strippers and porn stars. It’s unfortunate but not uncommon. The first dude to ever wrap a barbed wire tat around his arm must also deal with the stigma attached to what was initially a pretty solid piece of human billboard space.

It’s the tattoo itself that’s, problematic. I’m not certain what inspired you to place two poorly drawn cherubs kissing on your body. Let’s put aside the poorly drawn aspects. Such things are likely out of your control pre and post tattoo’ing. Not to be crude but there are very few times when one has a particularly good view of that area of the body. I think I can speak for most men when I say that during those moments, we aren’t often thinking about children, flying or otherwise. I’m going to go ahead and assume your proctologist isn’t impressed either.

So at this point it could be argued that I’m some sort of superficial jerk looking to tear you down post break up with things that have little to do with you as a person. Quite the contrary. I’m no psychologist but seemed like when we were together, you let things characterize you. The tattoo and the boobs were the ways in which you chose to ‘redefine yourself’ when you thought you weren’t good enough. Each was acquired at the end of a previous relationship and each was to service as an enticement you didn’t believe you could offer. You’re better than this and these self-inflicted crutches. I was around long enough to know.  You’re better defined by your love of stray puppies, pancakes and (shudder) smooth jazz than your bra size. I hope time has allowed you to see that.

FYI, my cousin (the ring bearer) says hi.

1. Sex cures mild depression by releasing endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and a feeling of well-being.

2. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. No one ever gets a stuffy nose during lovemaking.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex tones up just about every muscle in the body, and it’s more fun than swimming twenty laps.

5. When women make love, they produce large amounts of estrogen, which makes hair shiny and skin smooth.

6. The more often you have sex, the more sex you will be offered. A sexually active body secretes large quantities of pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy.

7. Sex is around ten times more effective as a tranquilizer than Valium.

8. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay and plaque buildup.

9. Sex relieves headaches by releasing the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chance of suffering dermatitis, rashes, and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes the skin glow.

Excerpted from Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Barbara and Allan Pease Copyright © 2010 by Barbara Pease. Excerpted by permission of Broadway. All rights reserved.

It is important to have a support system when starting to discover and understand your own sexuality. I have compiled a list of online resources and support for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered young people to help you along the way.

Lesbian

Lesbian.com
To be an international resource for lesbians, however we define ourselves. Lesbian.com will be an alternative, fun, relevant Internet resource that will reach out to ones both on and off line.
www.lesbian.com

Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives
Our primary mandate is to collect and maintain information related to gay and lesbian life in Canada — though we have lots from elsewhere as well. We gather material on people, organizations, issues and events. We arrange that material, record it, store it — and secure it for the future.
www.clga.ca

Lesbian.org
Promoting lesbian visibility on the internet
www.lesbian.org

Lesbian sexual assault – Rape Crisis Information
Many lesbians and members of the LGBTQ community have been sexually assaulted. Here is a place to seek support.
www.ibiblio.org

Gay

Gay & Lesbian National Hotline
1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

Gay Life
Over a dozen topics and tons of articles on everything from coming out to dating to marriage.
gaylife.about.com

Gay Men’s Counselling
www.gaymenscounselling.com

Canada’s Gay Guide
Know more about local and national community resources for gay, lesbian, bisexual, & transgendered (LGBT) people in Canada.
gayguidecanada.com

Bisexual

The American Institute Of Bisexuality
The American Institute of Bisexuality encourages, supports and assists research and education about bisexuality, through programs likely to make a material difference and enhance public knowledge, awareness and understanding about bisexuality.
www.bisexual.org

Toronto Bisexual Network
The Toronto Bisexual Network’s mandate is to provide a community where bisexuals and people questioning their sexuality can share diverse perspectives on bisexual issues and experiences.
torontobinet.org

Transgender

Transgender Canada Forums
Ask all of your questions (anonymously) here. From a simple introduction to hormone replacement and sexual reassignment surgery.
transgendercanada.com

ABGender.com
A detailed list of support groups across Canada.
www.abgender.com

Transgender Health Program
A variety of organizations offer transgender health programs or transgender health services. Some are stand-alone clinics, while others are part of LGBT or HIV/AIDS organizations; some offer medical services, while others focus on peer-based counseling, advocacy, and education.
www.vch.ca

Queer

Express – Newcomer & Immigrant Queer Youth Project
Express is a safe and supportive space where newcomers to Canada and/or immigrant queer youth find a place gather, share ideas, questions, and have fun!
www.soytoronto.org

Queer thinking forum
A safe, friendly and lively space with active members from over 50 countries. Get help, give advice, debate and enjoy. Specifically not a dating site.
www.queerattitude.com

LGBTQ

Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line
The Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line is a service provided for youth, by youth that affirms the experiences and aspirations of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, 2-spirited, queer and questioning youth in Ontario.
orgs.tigweb.org

outProud
OutProud, The National (U.S) Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth, serves the needs of these young men and women by providing advocacy, information, resources and support. Our goal is to help queer youth become happy, successful, confident and vital gay, lesbian and bisexual adults.
www.outproud.org

Seduction and exercise all rolled into one – then let the stockings fly and the good times roll! Here are some burlesque moves to surprise that special someone.

Burlesque is perhaps more popular than ever thanks to the popularity of Lady Gaga, Dita von Teese and even the Pussycat Dolls, all who incorporate burlesque moves into their acts.

Known as provocative theatre with bump and grind moves meant to tease and seduce, Burlesque also relies on tongue-in-cheek playfulness, poking fun at something and not taking life too seriously.

Burlesque can get not only get your partner’s heart pumping but yours as well…

Select your story
“Burlesque is all about telling a story,” says Coco Framboise, burlesque dancer and owner of the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque. Decide first what kind of seduction scene you’re going to set and take it from there. Are you a naughty girl, an innocent eager to entice or an exotic seductress? No matter who you are, know ahead of time what mood you want to set and go for it!

Get your groove on
The music you’re going to move to is one of the most important things you will be using. Framboise advises having at least three songs that you’re going to run while doing your moves. “Beginners always tease too quickly,” Framboise points out, she encourages newbies to slow it down and add one more song so you cut the risk of running out of music and you can take your time making your moves.

Space is key
While you don’t need a huge amount of space, having enough to make your moves and control your audience is important. “You need to have full control of your show,” Framboise says, adding that you don’t want to be too close and risk having your seductee get nailed with a stiletto, nor do you want to be too far away so that you lose the impact you’re working on. Whether it’s your bedroom, family room or even the kitchen, know what space you have to play with.

Chart your course
When it’s time to set your scene, Framboise recommends using a V shape. During your seduction, keep your intended at the peak of the V so that you can approach and then retreat. Consider using a chair in which to sit to take things off as well as to pick up props (a boa and a feather tickler perhaps). “It can be very overwhelming to a new performer, it’s nice to have a place to regroup and catch your breath,” Framboise points out.

She’s got legs
No matter what else you bring with you, don’t skimp on the stockings. And by stockings, Framboise stresses it’s the true stockings (the ones held up by garters) which count in Burlesque.

Sitting with your profile in view or at a three quarter view, turn and tease with the leg that is closest by stretching it out and pointing the toe. Keeping the foot lightly pointed, instead of in a hard gnarl will make a foot cramp less likely.

Choose shoes that you know to take off easily. Take them off as though it turns you on and seduce yourself with this movement allowing your partner to watch. Holding your shoe, brush the tip of it across your cleavage and then lean back to put it behind you, arching your back as you do so.

As you make your way back up, undo the garters — even giving them a playful snap if you choose to. It’s now time to peel the stockings down and off your feet before either flinging them away or rolling them up to carefully dab at your face and chest.

Shimmy!
“Everyone has got to have a shimmy,” Framboise says. And what’s the key to shimmy success? Really let go. Don’t worry about sucking in your tummy or tucking everything in place; just let it all hang out.

Begin with a good stable stance with soft knees. Bounce your knee and then try both sides, alternating knees and just let it ripple up through your body, through your arms.

Follow it through
Where your performance goes from here all depends on you. Watch your audience first to see how they are reacting before deciding how to proceed. Some suggestions Framboise offers are using a boa to trail behind you while walking in a circle.

When planning your seduction, Framboise offers a few more bits of food for thought:

- Good lighting is key. Pink bulbs make people look younger and less flawed.
- Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Don’t take it seriously.
- Trust your instincts. Do what feels good.
- It’s always more sexy if you are enjoying yourself.
- Wear something that makes you feel comfortable and beautiful.

Want to learn a few more moves for your repertoire? Visit www.cocoframboise.com for lesson information.

Click here to read more on love, sex and relationships specifically for 20-somethings.

Will he propose to you soon? We’re no mind reader but your partner will be giving some definite signs if they’re getting ready to pop the question. So aside from digging through all his stuff to find the ring, here’s another way to find out if you’re about to get a marriage proposal.

1. Honestly, how serious is your relationship?

a. You’ve been dating for a while and things are pretty serious…most of the time.
b. He likes his space and to have his own time, especially with his guy friends. He’d definitely rather hang out with them than with you.
c. You couldn’t imagine your lives without one another.

2. The topic of marriage comes up between you and your man:

a. Once in a while but it still appears to makes him a little uncomfortable.
b. Never! He’d run screaming if you ever mentioned the “M” word.
c. Almost every single day, we’ve done pretty much everything but set the date!

3. Has he met your family?

a. He’s met them all once or twice and doesn’t seem to be in a huge rush to meet them again.
b. God no. The thought of meeting my parents sends chills down his spine.
c. Hundreds of time. But lately he’s been spending a lot of quality time with your dad….hmmm.

4. What is his opinion on children?

a. He wants them….eventually.
b. Children? You mean like those crazy, drool-laden, screeching things that make him cringe?
c. He’s already picked the name of the local little league team he’s going to coach with your sons.

5. What were his past relationships like?

a. He had a few serious ones, and a few not so serious ones.
b. That depends what qualifies as a “relationship”….
c. He’s always been a serial monogamist. He likes his relationships long term and when he knows there is no future, he’s gone in a heartbeat.

6. His last major expensive purchase was:

a. A trip to Cancun with you….and another couple.
b. A 42″ plasma television, complete with surround sound and an X-Box.
c. He hasn’t made any lately. He’s been pinching his pennies, saving for a rainy day….or something like that.

Mostly A’s: Maybe he will, maybe he won’t…

“It isn’t an overnight transition for guys to go from ‘wanting to one day get married’ to ‘actually being ready to get married’,” says Matt, a 31-year-old from Toronto who proposed to his girlfriend of six years in October. But just because your guy isn’t raiding your jewelry box to get your ring size doesn’t mean he won’t be ready one day. “I went through a lot of emotions to get to the point where I was ready including a complete fear of being with one person forever and a whole lot of ‘maybe I will, maybe I won’t’ moments. It was a very indecisive time in my life. But once I was sure, I was 100% sure.”

Mostly B’s: He’s just not that into you…

“I have a lot of friends who are so far from ever being ready to settle down,” says Matt. “Being a guy I can see all the signs but a lot of girls can be too hopelessly romantic to see it.” Warning signals that he’s not ready to commit include a reluctance to “classify” exactly what your relationship is, constantly picking time with his buddies over time with you, and putting his own needs (see X-Box purchase) ahead of yours.

Mostly C’s: Get ready for those four big words…

“When I knew I was ready to marry my fiance my entire world changed,” said Matt. “Suddenly I stopped thinking of her as my girlfriend and more as the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now there was no fear when we talked about our future, like discussing about what we wanted for our wedding and what we were going to name our kids. I thought she sensed it too but she was so surprised when I did finally pop the question that I guess maybe she didn’t.” Maybe now you understand why him and your pops are so chummy after all…

Click here to read more on love, sex and relationships specifically for 20-somethings.

In the absence of hard evidence, a nosy friend, or the money to pay a private detective, however, there are universal telltale signs that may suggest it is worth asking questions. Be prepared for anger at the lack of trust if your partner manages to prove your suspicions wrong, but also be prepared for the consequences if the response is the one you really don’t want to hear. increased hormonal activity in the brain causes behavioral changes. These may be subtle changes to one’s daily habits or new habits that are designed to try to cover up normal daily routines.

1. Routine changes

Any change in behaviors that have been part of your life as a couple can indicate a driving force outside the home: A man starts doing his own washing; an armchair TV addict joins a gym; your partner stops wearing a wedding ring or starts locking drawers.

2. Sex changes

There may be subtle changes in the regularity or style of doing the horizontal hula, but they should not be ignored. If they want to try things they’ve never done before, there may be someone else coaching or influencing a newfound passion, sensitivity, or expertise. There may also be a sudden lack of wanting to have sex at all.

3. Appearance changes

Dieting, new clothes, showers the minute they walk in the door, him shaving twice a day, her getting a new hairstyle or cutting her hair.

4. Business trips

Increased trips away, more than the usual number of overnighters, failure to invite you to business events, secrecy or vagueness about schedules, failure to share flight or hotel information, not being where one is supposed to be. Alternatively, he might start working
late into the evening, or you may notice that her workmates are uncomfortable around you.

5. Nervous reactions

When the phone rings or when you mention a certain person at his work. Also look out for talking in her sleep, erratic mood swings, and increased criticism of you.

6. Conversation changes

In the case of cheating at work, someone who was mentioned in passing as part of her news of the day either figures more prominently— “Had lunch with . . .” or “Was chatting to . . . today”—or often repeat the same stories because he’s forgotten who’s been told what.

7. Technology changes

You start to notice that your partner prefers to e-mail you rather than call you. When he calls you, conversations are kept short, end abruptly, or are whispered, all signs that someone else may be present. She has constant excuses to go for a walk with her mobile phone—for example, there’s bad phone reception where you are sitting—or she goes to the toilet too often and for too long. When you are together, he doesn’t want to pick up certain incoming calls in your presence. She is constantly online, even when with you, checking e-mails, and if you approach, the window on the computer is suddenly closed. His BlackBerry is never left lying around where you might see it. Her computer and phone suddenly have passwords.

8. New friends

He has new work buddies you never get to meet. They call from time to time, but the calls are always short—she says she’ll call them back or that she doesn’t have the information right now. If you find out that his friends are cheaters, it may be a cheaters’ support group. Like attracts like. These clues are more often seen in men than in women. Women are more subtle in concealment, and men are generally worse when it comes to spotting clues (as detailed in The Definitive Book of Body Language). Often there are clues a blind dog could spot, but you would be amazed how many men will still fail to notice—for example, a complete withdrawal of her affection, suggestions that he go away for the weekend, condoms in the travel bag, emotional distance, and her preoccupation with everything but him. Women who are having an affair are likely to withdraw intimacy and sex in the marriage because duplicity comes much harder for them—most have evolved to be one-man women at heart.

Excerpted from Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Barbara and Allan Pease Copyright © 2010 by Barbara Pease. Excerpted by permission of Broadway. All rights reserved.

Fetishes can be experienced and enjoyed with all your senses. Here are some common ways.

Sight: Color Fetish
Some people get turned on by colors. Are you or your partner among them? Experiment by wearing various colors and see if anything turns you or your partner on. If you hit on one that gets your partner’s attention, try to don it as often as possible— whether that means special lingerie or boxers, or even wearing shirts in that color around your partner.

Smell: Scent Fetish
It’s a little- known fact that many men get turned on by the scent of pumpkin. Others, men and women, have been known to get turned on by the scent of chocolate- chip cookies baking. Next time you’re feeling amorous, why not bake something special for your beloved and see what happens.

Feel: Buried in Sand Fetish
If you don’t have a beach nearby, you’ll have to save this for a vacation. And yes, it’s messy, but just try it. Your partner lies down on their back in the sand and you cover their whole body except their face. This works better if the sand is a little wet, but try it both ways, with wet sand or with dry.

Sound: Listening to Sexy Sounds Fetish
Some people get more turned on by what they hear than what they see. Does that describe your partner or you? You can find out by watching a porn DVD that features a lot of vocalizing. Either close your eyes or have your partner blindfold you (or the other way around) as you listen to all the “Ooohs” and “Aaahs” and “Oh Gods.”

Taste: Fun with Food
Some of the best sex happens when it’s just you and your partner, exploring, savoring, devouring each other. But sex can also be fantastic when you add a little texture and flavor into the mix— literally.

Excerpted from A Little Bit Kinky by Dr. Natasha Valdez Copyright © 2010 by Dr. Natasha Valdez. Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House of Canada Limited. All rights reserved.